What is THAT Thing and How Did You Get It?

September 12, 2017

Hola Bitcholas,

Man, oh man. We asked "How Did You Get That Thing You Got?" This was in reference to whatever disease or scar or birth defect you might have. We asked this question because of a confluence of stories regarding people getting sick from tick bites, cat bites, and various other articles we saw. Anyway, there was no shortage of maladies shared with us today and, as you'd imagine, none of the stories were particularly uplifting. They weren't terrible, but they weren't great...because we asked what we asked.

A few people emailed and texted in complaining that there weren't enough "happy" stories. WTF did you expect? Do you really think people were gonna call in and announce with glee that they have cancer? Or herpes? Or all the other crap that has gone wrong in their life? That said, WE had fun with it all, but we looked at it like 'glad it's not our problem'! But we're insensitive pricks.

Anyway, ticks came up a lot. Ticks suck. They're the assh*les of the insect world. They're bigger assh*les than mosquitos. Sure, mosquitos kill more people than ticks, but ticks are just true assh*les. 

That led to a discussion about spiders...which led to Spider Man. We were all under the impression that part of the super powers Peter Parker got from the radioactive spider included his ability to shoot webs out of his wrists. Well, it turns out that his web-shooting wrists were the result of Peter Parker CREATING web- shooting wrist things. We didn't know that. And THAT'S why we had a lengthy discussion about how it would have been more likely that he would fire webs from his penis. And if he DID fire webs from his penis, would people still be cool with him swinging from building to building? Would it still be cool for him to save the day if it involved him using his web penis?  

These are the things we ponder. Sadly, I'm still pondering this.

I'm outta here.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!