MIKE HSU'S BLOG
Last Smoke #1
This is an excerpt from a journal found in an abandoned cabin outside Monroe Bridge, Massachusetts on 6/17/20 during Operation "Empty Ashtray".Â The steno pad in which it was foundÂ is believed to belong toÂ Denardo N. BlakeÂ of Arlington, MA, who is currently a fugitive wanted for violation of The Freedom From Second Hand Smoke Act(#442) and violation of The Domicile Tobacco Curfew of 2011(#566):
Awoke to more helicopters this morning at around 5am.Â I was hoping it was another UPCS drop, it's been a week since the last one.Â But since the lung cops busted the Nashua depot last November, drops have been spotty.Â We have been moving along Rt. 2 for the past couple of days without any food and precious little smokes.Â A sympathizer, who shall remain nameless, was able to slip us some Drum roll your own and a few cans of Copenhagen yesterday.Â We had to use some discarded Bounce sheets we found in a dumpster to roll it up.Â It got us through the day but we had to stop because our lungs became so fabric soft we had a hard time taking in enough breath to run.Â We could've dipped into our last few cartons ofÂ Doral's but who knows when the next drop will be?Â If there is one at all.Â The Lung pigs have been closing in.Â This morning was close.Â The new second hand smoke detectors are ten times as strong and accurate as the old models.Â These can detect smoke from up to 2 miles away, even when it's windy.Â They don't have to sneak up to your house andÂ put it near the window like the last ones.Â Thank god for the snow.Â But then they just let out the Butt Hounds, dogs genetically engineered with super enhanced sense of smell and trained to hate smokers.Â I remember that night in Medfield when Bob was overtaken and dismembered.Â They displayed his remains on the steps of Beacon Hill to send a message to anyone thinking of lighting up.Â We have decided to move west.Â We've heard there are pockets of Berkshire and Hampshire Counties that the Smoke Nazis can't get to.Â I've heard you can smoke right out in the open and some camps have been serving fried foods.Â Can you believe it?Â I haven't even smelled a french fry since the Great FryolatorÂ Purge of 2012.Â When Governor Schilling put the kybosh on the Fast Food Alliance.Â Now that Schwarzenegger is top dog he's thrown human rights out the window.Â Damned Non-Natural Born Citizen Discrimination act. That just opened the door for old Aurbach jr. to beef up the PHC thug brigade withÂ Â bigger andÂ dumber wastes of tax dollars.Â Right now we're just waiting it out in Baldwinville...I think?Â Waiting to make contact with the UPCS.Â Waiting for another drop of sweet nicotine.Â I'm hoping for some Phillip Morris shit this time.Â They've got.....Â have to go.