Shark Rage!

August 6, 2013

IT'S SHARK WEEK!!! HOLY CRAP! Every year the appetite for fresh Shark Educational Programming is sated by the Discovery channel for a whole flesh tearing week.  The build up was extra intense this year with the premier of 'Sharknado!' and the annual freaking out about the Great White Sharks that feed on the seals and occasional bathers off the coast of that slice of Heaven called Cape Cod.  

Sharkheads were already unhinging their jaws to take in hours of shark television.  Shark Week parties exploded across the globe with enthusiasts wearing their foam shark heads while drinking shark themed cocktails.(Get the recipes here)

Unfortunately the first bite of Shark Week was not a tasty one.  'Megalodon: The Monster That Lives' was a supposed documentary about a giant prehistoric shark that still swims in our deepest oceans to this day.  But at the end of the two hour program Discovery ran a disclaimer saying that it was a film about a legend and not scientifically proven fact.  This provoked a feeding frenzy of criticism from Sharkheads worldwide! Some tweeted their rage about being duped during the holiest of television weeks:

“Why does the description on [the Discovery Channel Facebook page] say you are dedicated to producing high quality NON-FICTION shows when you kicked off Shark Week with a 100% fictional story???? Please explain. Shark Week just died a little for me” one deflated Sharkhead wrote on Facebook.  “Why watch what you can't trust as education? I don't want to have to sort through what is real [and] what is fake on this channel” another lamented, apparently unaware that there are things called books.  The Shark Week loving world felt betrayed, angry, ashamed for believing.

Well, I'm writing this blog to tell all of the scorned Shark Week fans, SHUT THE FUCK UP!  Put down the Sharktini and get a hold of yourself! A gunman killed 3 people at a Pennsylvania Township meeting, 36 people were blown up in Baghdad by a car bomb, and the NSA is spying on your Shark Rage tweets, and that all happend today!  Get a grip people!  You're pissed because your Shark content was questionable? Shut off the TV and go outside.  Better yet, go to Cape Cod and spot yourself a real shark.  

You know who's really pissed?  Troy Walker.  Who the fruit basket is Troy Walker you ask?  Troy was bowling the game of his life in Houston over the weekend.  But before he could hit that magic number 300 the rack unexpectedly came down over the pins and deflected his ball.  Watch the heartbreaking video:

When a Shark makes it to the Luci Bonneau Doubles Tournament in Houston and bowls a 300 only to tear off it's head to show the world it's actually a Gorilla in a shark suit..that's when I'll get pissed about Shark Week.

Some content used from Fox News.