Killer Pizza Drones Will Make The Terrorists Too Fat To Run

June 10, 2013

Unfortunately, right now, due to FAA Regulations, this can only happen in the UK.  But isn't it brilliant?  

Pizza can(and someday will) be delivered as the Crow(or drone) flies.  Eliminating traffic hold ups and lost drivers.  We also won't have to worry about tipping.  I'm sure their could be some set backs.  Someone might try to abduct the drone and use it for their own evil purposes like spying on their X-Wife.  There's also the risk of the drone malfunctioning and falling from the sky, pizza and all, into heavy surface traffic.  Causing a major accident and possibly second to third degree burns from the delicious hot cheese or meat.  

Which brings me to my next point:

There has been a lot of discussion about the use of Drones by the U.S. government for the War On Terror.  Whether it's collateral damage from a drone launched missile strike or the possibility of drones patrolling the skies over America spying on it's Citizenry.  At what price our safety and freedom?  At..what..price?  This is my solution in two mouth watering parts:

1. Instead of firing missiles and taking out suspected Terrorists and possibly killing innocent bystanders in the process, why don't we drop a hellish rain of PIPING HOT PIZZA? That's right, harshly deliver one of America's favorite foods and main suspects for it's obesity epidemic?  If we're lucky, a terrorist may suffer from horrific burns or maybe lose an eye from a slice of crispy pepperoni or stuffed crust.  Imagine the horror of a Muslim terrorist if they were to discover that the pie or calzone that just burst all over them was a meat lovers pizza with extra bacon?  

A more non-lethal method would be to set the drones down gently at their location with a couple of large pies, some bread sticks, wings, and a couple liters of soda.  Once these guys get a woman to taste it first to make sure it's not poisoned they would go nuts!  Of course the delivery would come with several buy one get one free coupons and the phone number. Because they'll be calling.  After a few more deliveries we would then move on to phase two of Operation Fat Ass: Delivery of XBox Game Systems and Giant screen TV's.  Once they hook that baby up and after a few dozen more food drops, they will never want to leave the cave.  They'll be too fat to move and to obsessed with getting to the next level of Call Of Duty: Black Ops.  Also, Pizza is way cheaper than missiles and pizza makers would be needed, thus creating jobs.

2. Regarding domestic drone surveillance, I say, give the power to the Pizza Guys.  Why can't we spy on Americans while delivering delicious hot pizza?  Domino's, Pizza Hut, and every other Pizza Joint that has a drone must also be responsible for community safety.  While making a delivery, drones can keep an eye on the neighborhood and peer into the recipients home.  We can have a NSPABSA(National Pizza And Bread stick Security Agency)  If there is any illegal activity, perceived threat, or problem with your order, special Pizza Tactical Teams(PTT's) will be deployed to the location to take care of the situation.  

Of course, there will be resistance.  Evil Doers will try to take down the drones, creating a safety hazard and even worse..depriving Americans of their Pizza, or Sub, or wings.  It won't be easy.  But I believe it will work.