Subway DNA, Geek Erotica, and Duff McKagan: Wednesday 5-13-15 Recap!

May 13, 2015

We spoke with bassist Duff McKagan (GNR/Velvet Revolver) this morning about the possibility of a GNR reunion, and what's in his memoir!

Also on today's show:

What Would Deacon Do?

Hill-mail

*****

The Internet truly provides THE most fascinating ways to make money. There's an "author" in Canada with the pen name Leonard Delaney who makes around $1,000 a month by self-publishing erotic short stories on Amazon . . . about a woman having sex with various technology products. His big hits include "Taken by the Tetris Blocks""Invaded by the iWatch", and "Conquered by Clippy" about the Microsoft Word paperclip.  He has others, and they all sell for $2.99. In "Taken by the Tetris Blocks", a woman who's having a bad day at work starts having sex with Tetris pieces. Quote, "The z-block behind her floated closer . . . there was a whirring sound, then a light pressure on the inside of her thighs . . . a warm rod tentatively rubbed against her . . . it vibrated slightly with the thrum of the block's internal power source."Leonard says he writes them for fun and makes them, quote, "intentionally crappy in some ways . . . it helps to have this persona of a dude who is kind of a virgin and doesn't know anything about the female anatomy."And if you were curious, YES, he was inspired by the most famous bit of crappy erotic self-publishing ever . . . the "50 Shades of Grey" trilogy.  You can find his stories by searching "Leonard Delaney" on Amazon.  

*****

There's something that sounds dirty about this . . . but Subway is about to start spraying its DNA all over you. They just started rolling out a new security system that sits above the door and contains a vat of a synthetic DNA substance. Whenever there's a robbery at a Subway, an employee presses a button, and the stuff sprays all over the guy as he leaves. It's invisible to the naked eye, but it stays on your skin for up to seven weeks . . . you can't wash it off. And it'll show up under a black light . . . so the cops can check a suspect for it and prove he either was or wasn't the person who knocked off the Subway.  Each store has its own unique DNA, just to make sure there aren't any false positives. For now, Subways in Knoxville, Tennessee are getting this security system . . . but it's going to spread to thousands of them nationwide soon. 

*****

Here's a BIG one for the "no good deed goes unpunished" thing. Michael Hammons of Athens, Georgia is an Army veteran who served in Desert Storm.  And he was in the parking lot of a shopping center on Saturday when he saw a small dog locked inside a car.  It was REALLY hot out and the dog was struggling. So Michael used his wife's wheelchair to smash one of the windows and got the dog out.  Then he took it into the shade and gave it some water. As he was tending to it, the dog's owner came out . . . 22-year-old Elantra Cunningham.  And when she found her car window smashed, she freaked out. The cops came to the scene and Elantra was cited for leaving her dog in the car . . . but she decided to PRESS CHARGES against Michael. So . . . he was arrested for trespassing.  Apparently under Georgia state law, it's illegal to break a window to rescue an animal . . . but the police say they wouldn't have made the charges on their own. He's facing up to a YEAR in prison . . . meanwhile Elantra is facing up to a $250 fine and some community service. 

*****

I guess if you're going to have sex with a car, might as well go for a fancy one. On Sunday afternoon, a guy in Thailand spotted a white Porsche Boxster parked in a garage.  And he very casually walked up behind it, dropped his pants, squatted . . . and started having sex with it.  Then he walked around to the front . . . and started humping THAT side too. He thought he was alone . . . but he didn't realize a security camera was recording the entire time. e video was posted online yesterday . . . it's on YouTube with the awesome title "Stranger smuggle to have sex with Porsche car."  There's no word on whether the cops have tracked the guy down yet. 

*****