Mike Hsu's Blog

At TWO years old this kid knows how to pick a lock with finger nail clippers.  By 22 he'll be lifting paintings from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum and laughing at the world.  Where did he learn how to do this?  

 

The Defendant's name is Penelope Soto, busted for possession of Xanax and being really ditzy.  Presiding over this case is the Honorable Judge Jorge Rodriguez-Chomat.  He has a bit of a jovial Santa Clause- like vibe about him but don't be fresh in his court room.  Miss Soto learned that the hard way and is now in the can for 30 days for showing the Judge her little well manicured finger.  Never, NEVER, mess with a Judge, even if it's Traffic Court.  They'll show you the entire long arm of the law.  Maybe if Miss Soto would've said, "Adios, Your Honor" it may he may have ruled differently.  Judge Rodriguez-Chomat seemed amused..but apparently was not that amused.

It's time again to grab your favorite beer and liquor and drink your way through another Presidential Debate.  Because nothing help's a voter decide better than getting totally dismantled...I think Benjamin Franklin said that?  Who cares really, the candidates make sh*t up all the time, right?  So here are the official rules for the 1st Presidential Debate Of The 2012 Campaign with Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama:

Take a drink of your beer if either candidate says the words, Economy, Jobs, or Taxes.  They'll probably say these words a lot so just a drink. Don't want to pass out before halftime.

Chug your whole beer if someone mentions 47%

Take a shot if one of the candidates says "The Truth is..", "Obamacare", or "Health Care". Take two shots if a candidate utters the term "Middle Class."

If one of the candidates says "Mormon" don't drink.

If Moderator Jim Lehrer happens to say, "Will you guys just cut the CRAP?!" then eat an entire box of chocolate doughnuts(the large size, no minis)

If Mitt Romney says "Gosh" then Butt Chug whatever you got in front of you.

If either of the candidates agrees with each other then punch yourself in the face.

Finally, if even one hair falls out of place on Romney's head, immediately inject yourself with heroin while making love to your pet.(If no pet is available then you can use a sock or a jar of Fluff)

There you go.  Pretty simple.  Make sure you take notes because those are always funny to look at the next morning.  Now here's a picture of one of our greatest Presidents treating himself after kicking some Nazi Ass: