Yesterday I told you the "First Six Things" you should do when you get to the office... Of course Forbes has their opinion. WAAF.com has altered their research to make the rest of us succeed.
Here's their list of the six things you should do at the END of every work day. It's mostly about organizing stuff... Which sucks. So here is what we say to do...
#1.) Evaluate Your To-Do List Facebook Account. Screw working on a to-do list for tomorrow, you have ALL NIGHT to think about that. Cruise your FB account for the next smash. See who just broke up with their significant other and pounce. You are going to feel like a champ when you stroll into the office 45 mins late after morning sex.
#2.) Start a NEW To-Do List Who-To-Do LIst. What's with all this to-do list crap? Here's a list for you. Make a smash list. Write down all the smoke-shows in your office and fire away. Chicks love getting hit on at work.
#3.) Reflect Facebook on Your Entire Day. Every 30 seconds, try to think of something GOOD that happened, or something you achieved, or better yet, just make something up. It'll help you leave work on a positive note, and hopefully in a slightly better mood by crapping on your fellow co-workers and laughing behind their backs with your friends.
P.S. Make sure you check your security settings!
#4.) Clean Re-Up. Call your dealer BEFORE you leave. You know his ass is lazy as hell. So get this out of the way and call early. Also try to refer people from your office who get loaded for a much needed discount. They will never sell you out because they want to re-up as well. Never get loaded with your boss, just give them free drugs to use on their own time.
#5.) NEVER Say "Goodbye" Before you leave. It tips everyone off that you are leaving an hour early everyday. Quietly slip out the door. Take the back staircase and dip out when nobody is looking. Nobody likes the person who gets up and says "goodbye" to everyone every day anyway... Who frigging cares? Its work. That is like saying goodbye to all the correction officers before you get out of jail. You probably hate all these people so jet and go get hammered with your homies.
--Plus, it's never smart to check in with your boss to make sure nothing else needs to be done. He will ALWAYS make you stay to do shit he should be doing. If you ARE the boss, then hand off all your responsibilities to your dick-boy and take off.
#6.) Don't Take Your Work Stress with You. I think this is the only one I agree with. Chances are you have plenty of stress to deal with at HOME too, so do your best to forget about work once you leave the office. You know your wife is just waiting for you to come home to bitch you out. And your ungrateful kids can't wait to ask you for thousands of dollars worth of junk.
--If you are lucky enough to have a desk job, try this: Take that useless Red Sox calendar magnet and slap it on the side of your PC. This should completely scramble your hard-drive, next rub it on your phone. When you come in the next day play dumb and say... Jeez I had no idea that could mess up my CPU".
If you try to make a grand romantic gesture, and almost die in the process, does that make it more romantic? Or less romantic? For this guy's sake, let's say MORE.
This month, in Chongqing in southern China, a man named Hu Seng decided to surprise his girlfriend by having his friend seal him in a CARDBOARD BOX, then had him delivered to her place by a courier. There was only one problem. This dumbass didn't poke holes in the box for air, because he was afraid they'd ruin the surprise.
The courier service didn't realize there was a man in the box, and it took them three hours to deliver him, instead of the 30 minutes Hu expected. So by the time Hu's girlfriend opened it, he'd PASSED OUT... But paramedics came and were able to revive him.
You've probably got a routine down for how you start work each day. But if it seems like you're not organized enough, or you just want to be told how to work by crusty dirtballs, this list might help...
--According to "Forbes", these are the first six things you should do when you get to work each day... We altered the list a bit for you, our dedicated minions.
#1.) Get there on time, when you can... It's not just because being late makes you look bad. It's also because not being there on time can throw off your whole day, as well as others. But if you don't give a crap about the millionare jerk-off (who you are making rich each day) one bit, then roll in when you get there.
#2.) Take a deep breath, and puke in your waste bucket. According to one expert, you should sit down in your chair, stop for a few seconds, and just breathe. Your hangover will pass. The buzz from that spliff will subside, and you will sober up soon. Breathe and vomit, breathe and vomit. Simply GETTING to work can be stressful, waking up is hard, so it's good to take a few seconds and slow things down when life gets real.
#3.) Give yourself five sixty minutes to settle in. Don't just dive into a project or start making phone calls. Chill the hell out for a few, call your girl, or better yet hit on the new girl. Get a coffee, take a crap and get situated. It's your bosses dime. Try to start your day with something less stressful, like to hell with organizing your desk or listening to your voicemail.
#4.) Say Hello to People the hot chicks. Even if you're not much of a morning person, chat up the chicas. Don't just let them sit there... Say HELLO (don't email them though, your significant other might find the evidence) it shows that you're at least making an effort. And it's even more important if you're the boss is a hottie, they usually are into abusing their power, and will smash you out after hours.
P.S. One of the biggest pet peeves for employees is when their immediate supervisor gets to work and doesn't acknowledge them. So keep it up. Who the hell cares if they FEEL warm and fuzzy. It's work people, not day care.
#5.) Organize Your Day. According to "Forbes", the first hour of your workday is the best time to prioritize and figure out what you DEFINITELY need to accomplish. So we suggest the exact opposite. Do this at the end of your day so you can totally scew off for the remaining time of your work day.
--But a lot of people get distracted in the morning by things that don't actually need immediate attention. So just refer back to #3, or go out and smoke a joint...
--Here's one of them . . .
#6.) Don't Get Distracted Answering Answer Emails. If you HAVE to check them first thing in the morning, go ahead... but skip the ones that aren'tare urgent. It's usually pretty easy to tell just from reading the subject line. Anything with exclamation points, avoid. Anything with multiple exclamation points, just totally delete that drivel. No one wants to get to work to a bunch of work. Delete and play dumb... "Hmmmm... I never got it?" should be the response in your clip to fire out the second your boss asks.
--A lot of people end up checking ALL their new messages, and guess what? Their life SUCKS. Then Hopefully you stumble on some video link a friend sent with some nudity in it, or a dash of new porn, and end up wasting 20 minutes to an hour, which hopefully throws off the rest of their your day.
A Romanian taxi driver claims a sex-crazed Angelina Jolie lookalike passenger stabbed him after he refused to satisfy her for a third time. Nicolae Stan told police stunning Luminita Perijoc, 30, had already forced him at knifepoint to have intercourse and perform oral sex. He claims Perijoc had asked him to help her with his bags but once inside her apartment she demanded sex. When he refused she allegedly pulled out a knife and forced him to undress.
Police investigating his claims say the Perijoc's behaviour may have been down to the fact she was on medication at the time. Mr Stan said that his life has been made a misery by pals ribbing him about the fact that he had turned down the beautiful double of the Hollywood star. He said: 'It is terrible. I am now a local celebrity, every one is talking about me.
Can you imagine a reality TV star getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? KIM KARDASHIAN can. And she wants to be the first. She says, quote, "I think there was a quote where somebody said that reality stars will never get a star. So, of course I'm so competitive that I think that it would be a huge achievement and a goal that anyone would want.
"I would love to break that mold."
Kim would like you to know that she IS an entertainer. Just not the kind you're used to . . . quote, "I'm not naïve to the fact that I'm not a singer or an actress or anything like that. I've never claimed to be anything that I'm not. "I think [reality] is still a new form of entertainment that was kind of an unexpected thing. It reminds me of rap music." Yes, Kim is comparing reality TV to rap music. She says, quote, "When rap music first came out, people were like, 'We don't understand this, what is this, it's just a fad.'
"But rap music is definitely here to stay, and I think reality shows have proven they are as well. But when something is newer, people don't really understand it."
#1.) Being in a Bad Mood. One study found that when people watched short films about things like death and cancer, did better on math tests. They were also better at recalling past events, and less likely to believe a rumor that wasn't true. A separate study from the Columbia Business School found that frowning made people more attentive and detail-oriented.
#2.) Dancing, Reading and Crossword Puzzles. A recent study in "The New England Journal of Medicine" found that reading and doing crosswords reduced the risk of developing dementia by about 50%. Meanwhile, most physical activities, including golf and swimming, didn't have many benefits. But DANCING reduced the risk of dementia by 76%. The researchers think it's because most physical activities are basically the same thing over and over again. But with dancing, your brain constantly has to fire off signals to move different parts of your body in weird ways. So it develops new neural pathways to keep up. Even in young people, they found that dancing can improve brain function.
#3.) Smoke buts to be smart. The pros definitely don't outweigh the cons, but the nicotine in cigarettes has actually been shown to have POSITIVE effects on your memory and your ability to learn. Researchers at the University of Amsterdam tested nicotine patches on Alzheimer's patients, and found that after regular doses, they answered memory-based questions two times faster, and their memories were much more consistent. It also might have similar effects for younger people too. In a different study, scientists gave small doses of nicotine to adolescent mice. Then they tested them a few months later, and the mice they'd been giving nicotine to were able to learn faster and perform better on tests.
#4.) Wear a Lab Coat. In one study, researchers had two different groups take a test. Half of them were in normal clothes, and the other half were given lab coats to wear. The ones in lab coats ended up making half as many mistakes. In a second study, they had people wear lab coats again, but told some of them that they were wearing a PAINTER'S coat. The ones who knew they were in lab coats still did well, but the ones who thought they were in painters' coats didn't. The researchers concluded that wearing a lab coat makes you FEEL smarter, which results in you performing better and making fewer mistakes
(photo credit) A river is shown at Dorwin park in Rawdon, Que., Friday, Aug. 24, 2012. (Graham Hughes / THE CANADIAN PRESS)
The recent drowning of a Quebec bride has prompted one photographer to caution newlyweds about modelling their wedding outfits near moving water.
Maria Pantazopoulos drowned last Friday after her wedding dress became heavy with water and she was swept away near Dorwin Falls in Rawdon, about an hour north of Montreal.
The 30-year-old Laval woman is believed to have been participating in a “Trash the Dress” photo shoot, a wedding photography trend in which brides destroy their gowns in a symbolic final send-off for the garment.
Previous brides have rolled around in mud and set their dresses on fire, but one of the most ubiquitous shots involves the bride splashing around in water -- sometimes with her groom.
Pantazopoulos, who was married in June, fell while posing in the Ouareau River near Dorwin Falls.
Her photographer Louis Pagakis said the weight of her soaking wet dress dragged her down.
“I tried to save her. I jumped in … I was screaming, yelling. Somebody else came … We tried our best to save her but we couldn’t save her,” he told CTV Montreal.
The current pulled Pantazopoulos into a nearby basin that was about eight metres deep. Police said Pantazopoulos knew how to swim, but sank quickly due to the weight of her dress.
Photographer Mario Michaud said he almost lost a client the same way last May.
Michaud recalled how the bride fell into a different body of water during their “Trash the Dress” photo session. Fortunately, he was able to pull the woman out.
He’s emerged from the experience with a word of caution for creative brides.
“Brides think they’re getting a beautiful picture, but they don’t realize how heavy a wet wedding dress can be,” Michaud said.
The “Trash the Dress” trend, also known as “Rock the Frock,” is intended to be a more playful take on the traditional wedding photos involving brides and grooms simply standing together.
At least seven people have died near Dorwin Falls over the last two decades. However, the spot remains a popular place among swimmers and creative brides alike.
Part of going to a strip club is turning down strippers when they offer lap dances. In fact, that's pretty much the MAIN thing you end up doing at a strip club. Here's what happens when that process goes wrong.
On July 31st, a man was at a strip club in Houston, Texas. 23-year-old Kelly Renee Hutchins of Pasadena, Texas was working there as a stripper, and offered the man a lap dance. He turned her down.
The man drove home, and when he got there, a car drove up behind him. Kelly got out, pointed a GUN at him, and demanded his wallet. He said he didn't have it, so she searched his pockets. When she didn't find it, she gave up and left.
The criminal complaint was filed back on the 14th, and Kelly was just arrested and charged with aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon. She has a misdemeanor prostitution charge on her record from a conviction back in 2009.
Nearly half of all employees say they lose respect for coworkers who use meaningless business-speak . . . like "Think outside the box." But one in three of us end up saying them anyway. Here are the most overused phrases and the sad percentage of people who use them at least once a day.
#1.) "It's a no-brainer": 32% of people say it at least once a day.
#2.) "Think outside the box": 30%.
#3.) "At the end of the day": 26%.
#4.) "It's a win-win situation": 26%.
#5.) "Touch base": 25%.
#6.) "Going forward": 24%.
#7.) "110 percent": 21%.
#8.) "Close of play": 20%
#9.) "It's on my radar": 19%.
#10.) "Flagging up" or "Run it up the flagpole": 19%.
A high school cheerleading coach is under police investigation over squad members' allegation that they played a stripping game at her suburban Atlanta home in July. According to a police report obtained by the Smoking Gun , the game, called “judge and jury,” involved the coach acting as the judge, older team members acting as the jury; the younger team members were supposedly those put on trial.
The younger team members would have to answer questions beginning with the word “Honestly.” If they did not answer correctly, they were told to remove an article of clothing or run laps. Cheerleaders could reduce the number of laps to run by taking off an article of clothing, according to the police report. The game came to light when a cheerleader told a school official, who then questioned the coach about the sleepover. The coach told the school official that she closed her eyes and did not see if anyone removed all their clothing, according to the police report. The coach said she saw “only the students (who) removed clothing to reveal their undergarments.”
The coach resigned shortly afterward from her position at Lovejoy High School in Clayton County, according to the Clayton News Daily . WSB-TV in Atlanta spoke with the mother of a cheerleader who attended the July 18 sleepover. The mother said her ninth-grade daughter had been too ashamed to tell her about the night until recently. According to media reports, the game was intended to be a bonding experience.
"What child ain't going to try to fit in? They telling her this is what we do every year,” the mother told WSB-TV.
“Y'all do this every year? Really?"
Police are also investigating whether the alleged game was captured on video. This isn't the first time the cheer squad's adult leaders have been in the spotlight. In May 2011, the treasurer of the cheer squad booster club was arrested for stealing $4,000. Two mothers were also accused of being a part of the theft, according a report by WSBTV.
A male porno star by the name of JULIAN ST. JOX told the "Star" that he and his mattress actress girlfriend swung with KIM KARDASHIAN and a female porn minx back in September of 2001. It happened at a swingers' party at the Wyndham Hotel in Culver City, California. Julian says Kim showed up with a "black male."
Now, Kim was married to music producer DAMON THOMAS at the time . . . but we don't know if he was the "black male" in question. Anyway, Julian says that his date, mattress actress EMILY ANN, propositioned Kim, which led to some GRINDING on the dance floor.
Eventually, the four of them were in a private room, and Kim was RECEIVING ORAL SEX from Emily. Then Julian joined in and they began rolling around in a sweaty ball of teeth, limbs and hair. Then the couples SWAPPED. Emily went at it with Kim's man, and Julian got down to business with Kim. He says, quote, "I gave Kim oral sex, I kissed her all over her body and we had sex in a few different positions." He adds, quote, "She looked like she was enjoying herself very much. She was a little submissive, but she was good. She knew what she was doing. She was very responsive to me."
A Kardashian rep is denying this, but the "Star" says it confirmed the story through another source . . . if that means anything to you.
According to a new survey, the ultimate status symbol for your home is . . . a hot tub. The top choice for women is a walk-in closet, while men want a stereo system with speakers in every room. Also on the list are a 3D TV, sound-activated lights and blindsand a temperature-controlled wine cellar.
#1.) Hot tub.
#2.) Walk-in closet: This was the top choice for WOMEN.
#3.) Side-by-side refrigerator-freezer.
#4.) A stereo system with speakers in every room: That was top choice for MEN.
Remember when we were kids, how we used to be entertained by just an empty tin can, or a stick and a piece of string? Or at least, how we LIE to our kids about being entertained by those things to stop them from begging for video games?
--According to a new study, the average family today will spend approximately $15,800 on toys for a child from birth until they turn 18. That's an average of $877 per year.
--And if you have more than one kid, realize that's the price PER KID, not total. So with two kids, you're looking at $31,600 in toys. That family from Arkansas on the show "19 Kids and Counting" is looking at $300,200 in toys.
--The study also found 71% of parents think their low-tech childhood toys and games were MORE FUN than their kids' toys. But . . . 17% feel like, quote, "not a good enough parent" if they can't afford to buy their kids the toys they really want.
There's a restaurant chain in Texas called the Twisted Root Burger Company, where the servers are allowed to give REALLY small discounts for joke reasons. In one receipt we saw online, a female customer got a discount for having the BEST BUTT and being the BEST LOOKING.
Here's something you probably didn't know: AVRIL LAVIGNE has been dating NICKELBACK singer CHAD KROEGER for about six months.
--Oh, and it gets better: They're ENGAGED. Chad proposed on the 8th of this month with a 14-carat diamond. Avril's rep says, quote, "A romantic relationship blossomed as they spent time writing together."
--It's Wednesday, and you're probably hating your job even more than usual. So here's something from Forbes.com to help. It's the five things you should do if you just can't stand your job anymore.
#1.) Start by Doing a Quick Self-Assessment. That means figuring out WHY you hate your job. Have you ALWAYS hated it? Or did you just RECENTLY start hating it? And do you hate it because of your CO-WORKERS or your actual WORK?
--According to one expert, you should make a list of the pros and cons of your job, and what you'd want in your NEXT job. You might realize that if you change a few things around, you won't hate what you're doing as much as you think.
#2.) Try to Figure Out Why You're Not Happy. For example, if you want to quit because you're always stressed out, changing jobs may or may not help.
--Chances are, work isn't the ONLY stressful thing in your life. And some people blame their job for more stress than it really creates. So if you're not happy in GENERAL, then switching jobs might not help.
--Or maybe it WILL. You just need to think long and hard about it before you do anything.
#3.) Talk to Your Supervisor. Once you have a good handle on WHY you're not happy, you should talk to your boss about it. He might be able to improve your situation, and it might be easier for him to do than you think.
#4.) Don't Be Unprofessional. Even if you DO decide to leave. That way, you won't burn any bridges and you'll still have good references.
--Plus, if you change your mind and stay, you won't be embarrassed about anything you did while you were on the fence.
#5.) Look for Opportunities with Your Current Employer That You Might Enjoy More. That doesn't necessarily mean a different position. It might just be a new project you want to be part of.
--It seems like adding more to your workload will make your job WORSE. But if it's something you actually enjoy doing, it could make your whole job more tolerable.
According to a new survey, people are getting more casual with their work clothes. Things that used to be considered inappropriate for the office are now seen all the time. Here are the most common ways we're taking the casual thing too far.
#1.) 53% of people have coworkers who wear golf attire to work . . . but more than half of women think it's okay for men to wear it. We're not sure if that means people are wearing the horribly ugly clothes people insist on wearing when they golf . . .
--Or, if it means that people are going to, or coming from, an ACTUAL golf game . . . which is kinda like admitting that you're not really focused on work.
#2.) 49% have seen BARE LEGS on women. And 72% of men say it's distracting. Three in five older workers say that bare legs are perfectly fine at work.
#3.) 45% have coworkers who show off their CLEAVAGE. 87% of senior managers say it's a distraction . . . but 45% of them say it's acceptable.
#4.) 45% have co-workers who show off their tattoos. Two thirds of workers under age 50 say that's acceptable . . . but 61% of older workers find them distracting.
#5.) 32% of employees have seen tight clothes in the office, and 85% of WOMEN are distracted by it.
#6.) 31% have seen men wear shorts in the office. More than half of women say that it's distracting.
#7.) 30% have female co-workers who wear flip flops, and 13% have male co-workers who wear them.
#8.) 29% of people have female coworkers who wear short skirts. Only one in five mid-level managers say it's acceptable.
#9.) One in five employees have coworkers who wear spaghetti straps, although one in four men are okay with it.
#10.) 14% of people have coworkers who wear SEE-THROUGH clothing. One in five men say it's okay. 91% of women are distracted.
#11.) And 8% of people have seen HOT PANTS in the office.
Officially, Mattel did NOT just release DRAG QUEEN BARBIE. Unofficially . . . Mattel TOTALLY just released Drag Queen Barbie.
--There's a new Barbie doll on sale called The Blonds Blond Diamond Barbie Doll. The Blonds are two fashion designers who designed the look for the doll.
--One of them is Phillipe Blond, who's a big-time cross dresser. And the Barbie looks JUST like he does when he's in drag.
--This Barbie is wearing, quote, "a stunning silvery mini corset dress . . . featuring countless sculpted faux gems and a full-length faux fox fur with silvery jewelry and glitter pumps."
--Mattel didn't exactly deny that this is Drag Queen Barbie. A marketing rep said, quote, "One of the great things about Barbie is that she continues to push the envelope. Barbie doesn't worry about what other people think."
--The Blonds Blond Diamond Barbie Doll is a limited-edition version . . . and costs $125. It appears to be backordered everywhere online.
A sociologist named Catherine Hakim says she's figured out the two keys to ultimate happiness. They are a LONG MARRIAGE . . . and a LOT OF SEX. Just not with the same person.
--Hakim says she's found the idea of marrying someone and only having sex with them has become antiquated in the Internet age. Sex is now a LEISURE ACTIVITY, and is becoming less and less connected to real, emotional love.
--She says marriage is about passionate feelings, emotional fulfillment, love, and support. Affairs are about excitement, fantasy, and a refusal to just accept growing old.
--So . . . the ultimate happiness comes from combining the best things you get from marriage AND the best things you get from lots of sex with OTHER people.
--Her best example are the Scandinavian countries, where more couples have something called "parallel relationships" . . . that's being married but accepting that your spouse is going to have sex with other people.
--Almost half of men and one-third of women in Finland apparently have parallel relationships . . . and their divorce rate is lower than the rate in countries where open marriages are taboo, like the U.S. and England.
"Top Gun" director TONY SCOTT committed suicide yesterday, by jumping off the Vincent Thomas Bridge in the Long Beach area of Los Angeles. He was 68.
--Witnesses say around 12:30 in the afternoon, he climbed a nine-foot fence and jumped, quote, "without hesitation." Police found a suicide note in his office, but there's no word what it said.
--It's not clear exactly where he jumped from, but the bridge is about 185 feet above the water. His body was retrieved by a diving team.
--Scott's other movies include "The Hunger", "Beverly Hills Cop 2", "Days of Thunder", "True Romance","Crimson Tide","Enemy of the State", and the recent DENZEL WASHINGTON movie "Unstoppable".
--There's also been talk of him directing TOM CRUISE in a "Top Gun" SEQUEL.
--Scott is the younger brother of director RIDLEY SCOTT. The two of them were co-producers of the TV shows"NUMB3RS" and "The Good Wife". They also produced the four-hour miniseries "Coma", which will air on A&E next month.
--Director RON HOWARD wrote on Twitter, quote, "No more Tony Scott movies. Tragic day."
--And MICHAEL RAPAPORT . . . who was part of the HUGE "True Romance" cast . . . said, quote, "There hasn't been one day since it came out that someone doesn't say to me, 'I love 'True Romance''. Tony Scott was a sweet, enthusiastic, and loving man."
If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
Adrian Bayford from Britain just won $232 million in the EuroMillions lottery and he's got something totally different in mind.
He'd like to use the money to reunite AXL ROSE and SLASH. He told Britain's "Sun" tabloid, quote, "I think I would just have to get Guns N' Roses together, the original line-up. I am a real fan."
As we all know, there's really no amount of money that's going to make a Guns reunion happen. Axl wouldn't even show up for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction, for God's sake. And Slash recently said, "I think that time is sort of passed at this point, but there was a period where big wads of cash were shaking in our direction. I think the concept of getting the band back together based on money is not going to happen."
So what about you? How much would you pay to see your favorite band reunite? And what band would that be (dead or alive)?
A website called CareerBliss just put out a list of the 10 unhappiest jobs in America. Crack head did not make the list. So if your job DID, then we can only assume you're less happy than a crack head. The rankings are based on factors including salary, work-life balance, relationship with your boss, work environment, growth opportunities, and company culture. Here's the top 10:
Police in Long Island raided a house yesterday, and arrested eight people in a prostitution and heroin ring. 26-year old Steven McDaniel was one of the ringleaders . . . and he'd prepared an awesome handwritten list of ten instructions for pimps.
--It's entitled, quote, "Rule's 2 Da Game of Hoez!!!" Here are his management tips. (--We left in Steven's unique spelling and grammar choices.)
#1.) Alwayz make them need and depend on you so you have power over them. (Power is control)
#2.) Make them understand that you don't need them, they need you, and they are replaceable. Never let them no if you need them deep down inside.
#3.) Never let no 1 get away with sneakin anything cause once they feel they can get away they will alwayz scheme.
#4.) No matter how much you like or care for 1 or any of them, don't trust none of them. (Like "Scarface". Who do I trust?? Me that's who . . .)
#5.) Alwayz stay 2 steps ahead of the game you have them playin . . .
#6.) Don't let them no all your plan's, but alwayz try 2 no there's . . .
#7.) Make sure you own there mind's, body's, and soul's. (N test it out every often 2 make sure)
#8.) Keep your bi on the low as possible when it comes to family and hater's. (Cause you can't trust none of them) (--We think bi is an abbreviation for what Snoop Dogg would call a "bee-yotch".)
#9.) Alwayz try 2 no whatz goin on. (Make them tell on each other.)
#10.) Give respect when respect's due. (Follow these rule's and you should b gucci.)
RON PALILLO, who played high school student Arnold Horshack on the '70s sitcom "Welcome Back Kotter" died yesterday morning of a heart attack. He was 63.
Ron was discovered by his longtime partner Joseph Gramm in their home near Palm Beach, Florida. His death was very unexpected. Although he was a heavy smoker, Ron was said to be in good health in the weeks leading up to his death. "Kotter" ran from 1975 to 1979 and as you probably know, it launched the career of JOHN TRAVOLTA.
But for Ron, crippling depression made it hard to maintain a career after it ended. Although he finally overcame that and forged a career in live theater. His post-"Kotter" film and TV work consisted mostly of bit parts. For instance, he was killed off by Jason Voorhees in the 1986 "classic" "Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives". In 2002, he took part in the farce that was "Celebrity Boxing 2" . . . in which he got his clock cleaned by DUSTIN "SCREECH" DIAMOND.
Last week, 29-year-old Brandon Tudor of Oswego, Illinois was driving on a highway when a bird pooped on the windshield of his 1996 Cadillac Seville. And he immediately noticed something in the poop. It was Michael Jackson.
So Brandon decided to CASH IN, and sell the windshield on eBay. He hadn't received any bids, but the story was starting to hit the media, so he figured the bids would start rolling in. Then, yesterday morning, DISASTER STRUCK.
Brandon found that the protective plastic he'd put over the windshield had a tear in it . . . and the heat had MELTED AWAY Michael Jackson. So he ended the eBay auction. Now his plan is to try to sell coffee mugs, t-shirts, stickers, and more featuring the photo of the bird poop MJ.
CHAD JOHNSON a.k.a. the NFL Star Formerly Known As Chad OCHOCINCO was arrested Saturday night after he allegedly HEAD-BUTTED his new wife. Chad just married "Basketball Wives" star EVELYN LOZADA on the 4th of July. But on Saturday night, they got into an argument in their driveway after Evelyn found a receipt for CONDOMS in Chad's car. Evelyn says Chad head-butted her but Chad claims they just both bent over at the same time and knocked heads, "Three Stooges"-style. (--He did not say whether it made the sound of two coconuts being banged together.) Lozada was treated for what a police spokesman called a "pretty good-sized" laceration.
According to the police report, after Chad head-butted Evelyn, he screamed, quote, "I don't give a [eff]! I don't give a [eff] about my career!" Evelyn then fled to a neighbor's house and called the cops. When Chad spoke to police, he first told them that SHE head-butted HIM. The Miami Dolphins aren't waiting around for the legal system to figure out whose idea the head-butt was. They cut Chad last night, before he even had a chance to play a regular season game with them.
Chad was picked up by the Dolphins during the off-season, after the Patriots got rid of him. He had the worst season of his career last year with New England. Chad and Evelyn are currently filming a reality show for VH1 called"Ev and Ocho". They both have also already appeared on the new season of HBO's "Hard Knocks", which focuses not on head-butting, but on the Dolphins training camp.
Picking a safe spot to pass out drunk is ALWAYS tricky. It's hard to rationally think through your options after 12 shots of Jim Beam. But drill this one into your head: AVOID DUMPSTERS.
--On Thursday night, 27-year-old Justin Gilpatrick of Portland, Oregon was out drinking. When he left the bar, he was too drunk to drive his car home, so he decided to take a nap . . . and picked a DUMPSTER to sleep in.
--But while he was inside, the garbage truck came for a middle-of-the-night pickup. The truck dumped the full contents of the bin into its container . . . including Justin. And then it COMPACTED the trash. TWICE.
--Amazingly, Justin survived BOTH times, and only wound up with minor injuries. He was taken to a hospital about two hours after the dump truck picked him up. The police aren't planning to file any charges.
After more than three years of sitting on a shelf, the "Red Dawn" remake is FINALLY hitting theaters in November. And the trailer hit the web this past Friday, giving us our first glimpse of TOM CRUISE'S son CONNOR as an American freedom fighter.
According to a new Yahoo Sports survey, 16% of men say they'd be willing to give up SEX for the ENTIRE FOOTBALL SEASON to win their fantasy league. 19% would give up their cell phone . . . 39% would give up beer. The survey also found 8% have been DUMPED over their fantasy football obsession.
Football season is SO CLOSE to being back. Seriously, after the Olympics end, we've only got a few more weeks of being tortured by just baseball. And that means fantasy football is back too.
--According to a new Yahoo Sports survey, men are JUST as hardcore about fantasy football as ever . . . maybe even more hardcore.
--16% of men say they'd be willing to give up SEX for the ENTIRE FOOTBALL SEASON to win their fantasy league.
--19% would give up their cell phone for the entire season to win. 39% would give up BEER for the entire season to win.
--The survey also found that the average fantasy player spends more than four hours a week researching . . . 8% spend more than 10 hours a week . . . and 8% have been DUMPED over their fantasy football obsession.
Rumors of MC's drug addiction were not exactly extinguished by a recent display in front of Chateau Marmont. Below are the first pictures of the 31-year-old since he denied claims that he was 'hooked on heroin.' He is seen dry-heaving on the sidewalk just before lighting a cigarette and getting into a friends car.
A 55 year old man died this weekend after being infected by flesh-eating bacteria. 'Necrotizing fascitis' has claimed 3 lives this year, and Greg Hill is fearing for his life. This nasty bug gets into cuts or pimples and works very quickly. Brutal...
Every once and a while a fantastic web movie comes out that is amazing. This one, a short futuristic film by Eran May-raz and Daniel Lazo. This is their graduation project from Bezaleal Academy Of Arts. Enjoy.
On Wednesday night, an organ player for a minor league baseball team in Daytona Beach started playing "Three Blind Mice" after a questionable call. So the home plate umpire ejected him. Apparently umpires can eject anyone they want to, so the organ player, an intern named Derek Dye, didn't plan another note.
An online fight led to an in-person attack for a young man in Oakley, and he ended up with nearly two dozen stab wounds. This stabbing all started with a conversation on an Xbox Live headset that allegedly set a 17-year-old off, not with a joystick, but with a real knife and gun. Kevin Kemp, 20, didn’t mind showing the scars from his battle Monday. There are 22 stab wounds now stitched back up. That was the end result of what started as an exchange with a family friend online. Great shirtless nerd video footage of the victim. Here is Kevin Kemp.
MANCHESTER, NH – A dog on vacation with a family in New Hampshire is recovering from gunshot wounds. Tucker, a five-year-old Australian Shepherd was shot twice. Tucker and his owners, the Furey family from Maryland, were vacationing on a lake in Bristol, New Hampshire. According to police, Tucker went wandering into Michael Nelson’s yard and went to the bathroom. Nelson became angry, grabbed his 9mm handgun and walked down the street to find the dog. He fired two shots, striking Tucker in his head and foot. Here is dog owner Lynne Furey.
So far, Kazakhstan is having a pretty good run. They're actually in the top 10 of the medal count with three golds. But they're having some issues outside of their events . . . people won't stop yelling "Borat" quotes at them.
The head of their Olympic committee is Aslan Amanov. He says, quote, "In the [Olympic] Village there is absolutely no problem. The sports world knows our good side. It is when we go outside it is very disappointing. "Of course nobody takes it seriously but there are some things you cannot tolerate, things about your mother and sister. No matter how democratic you are, you will never tolerate the words that 'Borat' was saying about us."
When divers are flipping around in the air, they make all sorts of horrible faces. Those faces kinda look like the faces you might make when you're grunting one out. So, yep... Someone actually took the time to Photoshop divers onto the crapper. The results are funnier than they should be, mainly because we have the maturity of a 13-year-old. Enjoy.