It seems like every day there's news about a new cannibal attack. Is your neighborhood safe? Here are the Top Signs Your Neighbor is a Cannibal.
--The more weight your wife gains, the more interest he shows in her.
--While sampling his meatloaf, you bit down on a belly button ring.
--It seems like you get a new paperboy every week, while the pile of rusty bicycles in his backyard keeps growing.
--When another neighbor's house caught on fire, he ran home for a fork and steak knife.
--He knocks on your door and asks to borrow a cup of YOU!
--He's the only one in the neighborhood who enjoys a visit from Mormon missionaries.
--He claims his ideal woman has three things: a great sense of humor, limitless compassion, and meaty, succulent thighs.
--He keeps eyeing your black mailman and claiming he's got "a hankering for some soul food."
--He says his wife had to get her legs amputated after a tragic accident. A tragic, DELICIOUS accident.
--He's the only guy at the beach who's not coating his wife's body with sunblock, so much as basting it with olive oil.
--Everyone in your neighborhood is suddenly faceless.
--When you ask if he can give you a hand with something, he gets one from his freezer.
--When he sees sweatpants that say the word "Juicy" on the butt, he takes it literally.
--The day after he told you he had "Mexican" for dinner, your gardener doesn't show up for work.
--You had him over to watch "Precious" and he drooled uncontrollably through the entire movie.
--He says he's repulsed at the sight of women with fake boobs because he's silicone-intolerant.
