The 30 Day Grilled Cheese Challenge: Day 4, "The Fat Guy From Rye"
by Mike Hsu
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posted Apr 5 2012 7:36AM
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This one almost killed me. I actually thought about hanging it up and eating nothing but lettuce for the rest of the month. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and my Stomach, which has been a Valiant Warrior through many a culinary battle all over the Globe, is finally saying, "ENOUGH!"
This recipe came from a texter who heard me talking about National Grilled Cheese Month on the air. He said it came from a "Fat Guy From Rye, NH" so that's what we shall call it. Looking back, I'm thinking of calling it "The Hindenburg" because that's what I felt like all night afterwards.
The text simply said, "Swiss Cheese, Hot Dogs, and Bacon". Sounds great right? I took three skinless dogs from the Chicopee Provision Co., 3 slices of regular bacon, and 6 slices of Swiss Cheese. I cooked the bacon and dogs first in the same pan. That may have been my downfall. I then layered the ingredients on buttered bread with some Gulden's Brown Mustard to give it a little kick. It was tough putting the GC Press on this due to the bulk of the filling. I probably should have sliced the Dogs in half...I probably shouldn't have eaten the whole thing too.
This behemoth was greasier than a Pharmaceutical Industry Lobbyist. It also probably contained more sodium than the entire country of Chad takes in for a year. My Doctor would probably report me as "suicidal" for eating this. The first bite was amazing! The mustard was a good move because it cut through the greasiness. The more I dug in, the more I started to realize I was causing harm to myself and maybe my family. When I finished I experienced overwhelming regret and knew the next few hours would be the test on whether I would continue my cheesy Odyssey. Approximately 90 minutes later I felt a disturbance in my intestines, another hour later my ass exploded. After a couple of hours of sleep I awoke screaming, drenched in meat sweat that smelled like hot dogs. I felt like Martin Sheen in freaking out in "Apocalypse Now". I was waiting for Brando to walk out and ask me to kill him.
I don't know whether to thank or sue the guy that sent me this recipe. Maybe for Day 5 I'll have something a little lighter. Keep the suggestions coming and go ahead and wager if I'll make it through April. Between this and the Red Sox season starting, my heart may go on strike. "Oh, the Humanity!"
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