REASONS TO FEEL INADEQUATE PART ONE: Congratulations Moustafa Ismail, you have the world’s biggest biceps. Oh, and by the way, you look like a freak. Imagine the plentiful moments of free time this guy has when his not in the gym, working the bi’s? What would you guess…four, maybe five free minutes a day to spend with loved ones or at work maybe? I could definitely look like this if I didn’t have a job. So, does he only wear short sleeved shirts? Or does he go custom? Maybe he could get Versace to make him a shirt like that dress Liz Hurley wore with the cut-out where his wicked massive bi’s are. I’m strong to the finich ‘cuz I eats me some spinach.
REASONS TO FEEL INADEQUATE PART TWO: Look around you right now. One of out of every five people you see have had a legit threesome, according to a new survey from Adam and Eve. Depressing right? Apparently, 20% of the world are having out of control group sex while the rest of us are missionarying it once a month and on our birthdays. Lots of questions on today’s show about what counts officially in this. I mean, what about a lap dance from two strippers? Do hookers count? What if you paid two BU girls 20 bucks each to kiss at Daisy’s? I’m sorry, but I’m not buying it. I think there may be some exaggeration going on up in this piece.
DO NOT SIT NEXT TO THIS GUY ON A PLANE: Or at the blackjack table. Meet the new “Stink of Life”. This poor sap goes in for a circumcision and the doctor removes his junk. Without asking first. I’m not sure that I could go on without a penis. What do you do in your spare time? Imagine if doctors did this all the time? You go in for random surgery, they see something they don’t like, and remove your leg? I could go on without a leg. Not without a penis.
IRRATIONAL FEAR ONE: I don’t which I’m more afraid of, Doomsday… or lunatic Doomsday preppers. This man is accused of stealing some tractor trailers so he could build his self a doomsday bunker down in Florida. Former NE Patriot Matt Light is a big end of the world guy. He thinks its coming soon and we all need to arm ourselves for Armageddon. If the real Doomsday is coming, I’m not sure I want to align myself with a dude who can’t steal a tractor trailer without getting caught. Seems like it might be pretty easy for the Zombies to find his bunker.
IRRATIONAL FEAR TWO: Reports from Long Island indicate a 2 foot tall, grey “cat-like” creature is stalking the natives. This has Timothy Busfield written all over it. Although “Strays” took place is some remote place. This is Long Island. Cats that sleep all day, and purr, and drink milk are cool. Giant cats that eat your garbage and stalk your children are not. Better get some bigger catnip.