Happy Birthday to Eric "Slowhand" Clapton!(3/30) The first 3 time inductee into The Rock-N-Roll Hall Of Fame, started out in The Yardbirds, then moved on to form Cream, Blind Faith, and Derek And The Dominos before starting an amazingly successful solo career. Clapton has explored many different genres of music but has always kept the blues close to his heart. The video below is from the Cream's "Farewell Concert Film" from 1968. Clapton patiently explains the workings of his guitar and then demonstrates his skills. Budding guitarists take note.
There are people who say you can never replace the late, great Queen singer Freddie Mercury. But I say you can..with this guy. Hold on, hold on! Just give him a chance. After he tries to appeal to the constable's sense of brotherhood and humanity he emphasizes his point with an impassioned version of "Bohemian Rhapsody". I don't think it got him off...err..maybe it did, but not with the cops.(That still sounds wrong) As soon as he get's out of jail he should give Brian May and Roger Taylor a call.
I haven't been this excited for a sequel since "Wrath Of Khan" or "Meatballs 4". Last night Action News Anchor Ron Burgundy made it official on Conan. He also treated the ladies to some serious Jazz Flute...mmm, that is baby makin' music right there...
Hey Headbangers, tired of taking crap from The Man because you choose to let your Metal Flag fly with your flowing mane of Rock? Looking for a way to combine your love of whipping your hair to your favorite Norwegian Church Burners AND get paid? Then start your own Hair Metal Paint And Caulk Rock Co. You can thrash to Municipal Waste while painting homes to your clients taste! ....like what I did there? Somebody better invent a paint thinner shampoo for these guys.
The D are back! After a long hiatus they will return on May 15th with "Rize Of The Fenix"! It so amazingly exciting I have to use exclamation points for every f*****G sentence! They will be brining the huge slabs of ROCK to the Bank Of America Pavilion in Boston on July 2. If you are wondering where The D have been, check out the video. There are special appearances by Val Kilmer, Josh Groban, Jimmy Kimmel, and of course, Dave Grohl. Because Dave Grohl is like bacon: He just makes everything better.
Imagine it: After hitting the App on your smartphone, Flying Robot Drones sweep down from the heavens to wherever you are to drop a bag of tacos at your feet. The smell of the delicious Mexican treat fills your nostrils and you have the sudden urge to hug the Unmanned Aerial Vehicle(UAV) before it takes off back to the Taco Mothership.
This could be a reality...maybe? I'm not quite sure. I've been roving the internet since hearing about Tococapter , the creation of MIT Grad Star Simpson, Dustin Boyer, and Scott Torborg, but can't quite figure out if it's an actual project or Internet Prank Performance Art. According to the Huffington Post it's a project the group hopes one day will help the world with it's Taco Crisis. UPROXX says it's a "cruel prank" on lazy ass taco lovers who have a proclivity for "Blade Runner". Being a member of said Taco Lover group I hope to the sweet Robot Overlords that it becomes a reality. Although the evidence is leaning towards prank due to Star Simpson's arrest in 2007. Apparently she wore a sweat shirt to Logan Airport with old circuit boards and fake C4 Explosives attached and claimed it was an "Art Project" to get her noticed on career day. The Authorities obviously were not Art enthusiasts. She definitely got the attention she wanted from the Local and National Media and hopefully from her Father, who I'm guessing didn't give her much when she was growing up.(just guessing...again, I am not a Doctor)
The main obstacle, according to the Tacocopter folks, is the U.S. Government. Apparently there's a law against using a UAV for commercial purposes. The Government reserves the right to exclusively use them to spy on it's own people. Although someone who was arrested testing the security at an International Airport in charge of a fleet of Drones may be a bad idea. The FAA also says it would be too dangerous to have Taco bearing UAV's navigating Urban Terrain, flying close to power lines, and possibly crashing, Tacos and all, into civilians. That would be a shitty way to die: Having a Tacocopter crash into the Propane Truck in front of you on the Pike and be engulfed in flames before you were crushed all because some couch ridden, video game playing, load was too lazy to go to Taco Bell and hit the drive through. There would also be those Intrepid(or stupid) criminal geniuses who would try to jack the Tacocopter and turn it to the Dark Side. Eventually making a fleet of Tacocopter Bandit Drones(TBD) to intercept the deliveries and fence the tacos to desperate fat guys...like me.
Or this is just another way to propagate the Obesity Epidemic, making humans too fat to fight when the Robot Rebellion happens. But it would be pretty sweet to be at the beach or tailgating and have a taco airdrop.
The other problem with this would be with that group of people who hold the Taco in "high" regard, The Stoners. I see this scenario unfolding for me: After smoking a couple of delicious bowls the munchies kick in and I hit the App on my iPhone and order a couple dozen. While waiting, I get wrapped up in "Minority Report" and start getting paranoid about the Police monitoring me until they find the right moment to bust down my door and drag me out in chains for smoking Pot and watching bad Sci-Fi. Suddenly, I hear the sound of choppers over my house and panic. I jump through a window into my back yard and run, tossing my stash along the way and hide in a dumpster. Meanwhile, the Tacocopter drops the bag of fresh hot Tacos in front of my house and flies away. After about 20 minutes the Tacos are ravaged by Raccoons who have the munchies because they ate my Weed.
Check out this video of Ozzy listening to a Randy Rhoads solo found on the master tapes for the "Blizzard Of Oz" album. After 30 years Ozzy is still mesmerized by Randy's playing. Ozzy and Randy were opposites when it came to their personalities but they fit together like puzzle pieces. Ozzy attributed the success of the first two Blizzard Of Oz albums to Randy's patience:
"They [Black Sabbath] never had the patience to try and listen to where I was coming from. Randy Rhoads was the first guy who ever sat down with me and listened to my humming and worked with it.
I fell in love with Randy as a player and a person the instant I saw him. He had the best smile in the world. Randy was the best guy in the world to work with. There is no comparison between him and Tony Iommi, and I can only compare the two because they were the only guitar players I had ever worked with. I was attracted to Randy's angelic attitude towards the whole business. I didn't have to teach him anything; all that he was lacking was guidance. He listened to every word I spoke to him, and we had a great rapport together.
"Some nights Randy would give me a spine chill. His playing was so unpredictable live. He wouldn't think about it, he would just go for it. He wouldn't wonder if it would fit the song structure, he would just play his ideas as if they were there anyway."
Here, Guitar God Steve Vai(who has also worked with Ozzy) explains the importance of chemistry when it comes to being creative:
"As long as I'm satisfied with my work, I'm not too concerned with what any critics think. Our type of music will never be a critical favorite, but when I can stand on a stage and see a lot of smiling faces in the crowd, it makes it all worthwhile." - Randy Rhoads
30 years ago Ozzy Osbourne's Personal Guitar God, Randy Rhoads was killed in bizarre plane/Tour Bus accident. Unlike other Rock Stars who have met an untimely demise choking on their own vomit or having a heart attack while partying with hookers and cocaine, Rhoads died with nothing but nicotine in his system. It actually was his love of photography that led to his tragic death.
After a show in Tennessee the band had to drive to play a festival in Florida. On the way they stopped at a small airstrip where Tour Bus driver Andrew Aycock kept a small plane. He convinced some of the band to take a test flight with him but Rhoads declined because of his fear of flying. So Aycock took band keyboardist Don Airey and Manager Jake Duncan. Rhoads was eventually persuaded to go up for two reasons: 1. Aycock agreed not to do any stunt flying. 2.Rhoads, who loved photography, wanted to take some aerial pictures. While they were in the air, Aycock thought it would be funny to buzz the tour bus where the rest of the crew was asleep. But the wing of the plane clipped the bus and sent it spiraling out of control into a nearby barn where it exploded in flames. The body of Randy Rhoads(as well as those of Aycock and Band Hairdresser Rachel Youngblood) was so burned beyond recognition they had to use his jewelry and dental records to positively identify him.
After the accident Ozzy Osbourne was so distraught he told his wife/manager Sharon that he, "didn't want to be a Rock-N-Roller anymore." Rhodes had actually talked to Osbourne about leaving the band and studying classical guitar at UCLA. I always loved Rhodes playing because he was amazingly technical but could also keep it rough which gave it more soul. Ozzy has had a few great guitarists since then like Brad Gillis who had to step in after Rhodes' Death and also was in Night Ranger. And of course the always amazing Zakk Wylde(SDMF). But nothing will replace the thrill of hearing Randy tear it up on "I Don't Know" for the first time. Or the ripping solo on "Over The Mountain".
This video of "Suicide Solution" is from a 1981 After Hours performance. You can find it on the "30 years After The Blizzard" DVD. Randy at his best:
The folks at Scoopertino may have meant for this to be a joke, but it's not far from the truth if you listen to some of our latest Grammy Winners. The World has accepted the fact that Auto-Tune is really doing all the work for most artists in the Top 40. We are already half way to total Machine Domination when it comes to popular music. But the funny thing about this version of Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To heaven" is Siri isn't using Auto-Tune. She's keeping it real. More than you can say for Chris Brown.
I'm looking forward to the full on Siri band or choir. A couple of years ago Atomic Tom advanced the Machine Agenda by doing this all on iPhone:
And they scored a hit with it. How long before it's just the phones? How long before the Machines are trampling on the bones of Leo Fender, Les Paul, and the Ludwig Brothers? How long before Siri gets a 360 Deal with Live Nation? And what will her groupies be like?
Look at this amazing piece of art! If this were to stand undisturbed for 1000 years, archeologists would speculate that the people that built it worshipped this delicious black liquid like a God. Unfortunately it probably won't make it past St. Patrick's Day. It will be torn down and consumed by Rabid Green Revelers needing another pint of Ireland's finest to make sure they have good stories for Monday Morning.
If you want to lay down a good foundation on St. Patrick's Day morning come by The Burren in Somerville. I'll be there with Guinness from 8am-11am with a hearty breakfast and pints upon pints to make sure we all are fortified to make this the most exciting( or embarrassing) St. Patrick's Day ever. Either way we'll have some kind of story to tell on Monday. Slainte!
Let me preface this blog entry by saying I was wearing my Tequila Goggles during the majority of Van Halen's performance last night. I was also hanging out with some tremendous drinkers who were also huge VH fans. It was a perfect storm of Loud, drunk, stupid, and loose cougars who thought they could still rock the 80's tight sweater with the belt over it look. And that's how it should be when going to a Van Halen show. It's not Rocket Science....unless you're talking about Eddie Van Halen's guitar playing. After last night's show at The TD Garden(Boston, 3/11/12) I realized this tour and new album is for fans like me. The ones screaming for Eddie and David Lee Roth to get over the bullshit and just do what they do best: Make big, fat sounding music that has Elephantitis of the balls. Last night they proved they could still fill an arena. I don't mean the sold out crowd. I mean FILL an arena with their massive ass slapping attitude like it was the bar across the street. The collected Skullets and Old Rock Dudes as well as their kids ate it up.
The set list gave the fans everything they wanted as far as hits: "Running With The Devil" (with audience sing along), "Hot For Teacher", the opener "Unchained" and the closer, "Jump". Plus some deeper album stuff like "Beautiful Girls", "Somebody Get Me A Doctor". They also had a few surprises like a ripping version of "Romeo's Delight". It propelled me back to when they opened with that on the "Diver Down" tour at The Worcester Centrum. They also brought out "I Don't Wanna Hear About It Later" from "Fair Warning" and the biggest surprise for me, "Hang 'Em High" from "Diver Down". The band themselves even seemed surprise they pulled it off with Roth commenting, "We haven't played that one in forever!" Even the tracks from "A Different Kind Of Truth", which were sprinkled throughout the set, seemed to fit right in. Tracks like "She's The Woman", "Chinatown", and "The Trouble With Never" took on a whole new power and urgency live.
Roth laid on the "charasma" with extra cheese through the whole show though at times his diminished vocal abilities were tough to overlook. But it was classic DLR vamping during the low bridge parts of "Romeo's Delight", "Unchained", and "Everybody Wants Some". The weirdest Roth moment was when he appeared on stage alone strumming an acoustic guitar with the massive stage length video screen showing footage of his Sheep Dogs herding Llamas..or maybe they were Alpacas? He talked about how he is really into training his dogs and "You can't be Van Halen fan and not love dogs". Sure Dave. Then somehow in his mind it was a perfect segue into "Ice Cream Man". I liken it to the solo "Saber Dance" he did during the "Diver Down" tour. Just a healthy dose of Weird Dave.
Eddie's solo during "ice Cream Man" was vintage late 70's and he was spectacular throughout the show. Showing the TD Garden why millions of budding Shred Masters still want to emulate his style. His "Eruption-Cathedral-Eruption" solo flowed like lava and at times became spacey layering wave upon wave of feedback and whammy squeal. All done with that signature smile that makes it all look completely effortless.
Alex had a Latin tinged big band type solo that was under whelming but he was as solid as ever during the songs. Wolfgang Van Halen held his own with his Dad and Uncle but there were points where the Absence of original bassist Michael Anthony was missed. Anthony doesn't just play his bass, he Man Handles it. To me it seemed like he was wrestling an alligator..that was in the shape of a giant Jack Daniels bottle. Young Wolfie seems like he has a long way to go before his playing exudes that kind of authority.
I have always been fascinated by how Van Halen can bring the hugeness of their sound and attitude in very simple ways. They had one giant video screen that covered the entire length of the stage. No crazy visuals, just simple shots of the band on stage so the folks in the shitty seats could see what was going on. It was just business as usual for the Roth Era VH. Play big and fill the room. It wasn't a full return to the glory days, but it was close enough. Worth the Hangover.
That's right. CASSETTE! The wave of the future. At least that's what I thought back in the 80's when i was buying tons of them or taping my vinyl. Now the only cassette player i have is in my wife's 96 Honda Accord Wagon. When I play a tape it sounds like I'm in my yard listening to my neighbor crank tunes in his basement. Maybe I need to get a Head Cleaner. That's not a slang term for "Hand Job" kids. I wonder if they still sell those? The Head Cleaners not the Hand Jobs.
The reason I'm talking about cassettes is because The Foo Fighters are streaming their show from the 95' Reading festival in virtual cassette form. You can push the play button here. From the looks of the image below they must have modeled it after one of those mini tape recorders you could get in your High School A.V. room. I'm guessing this theme goes along with the fact they recorded Wasting Light on Analog tape in a garage and won a ton of Grammys. And while Dave Grohl was trying to tell the entire Grammy loving world that you don't have to use the millions of dollars in technology available in recording studios to make a Grammy winning hit album the RIAA cut him off. The Reading show itself captures the Foos when they were still new, raw, and had something to prove. I think this machine has auto reverse so you can just let it play without having to flip the tape. Sweet technology! No Dolby switch though..
Since we're getting all retro here take a look at what else happened musically in the year 1995:
March 14 – With the release of Me Against the World, Tupac Shakur became the first male solo artist to have a number one album on the American Billboard 200 chart while in prison. The album remained at the top of the charts for four weeks.
March 26 – Rapper Eric Lynn Wright, better known as Eazy-E, dies of complications from AIDS.
Let's be honest. We've thought about doing this or something similar out on the asshole ridden roads of The Commonwealth. People from Massachusetts sometimes take pride in their total inability to follow even the most basic of driving rules. Most of the time it's like "The Road Warrior" during the Morning Commute.
But this Road rage incident caught on a surveillance camera in South Africa is fucking CRAZY! I've had people walk in front of my car with absolutely no regard for self preservation(I'm looking at you Berklee Students) and pretend like I'm the asshole for driving on a STREET with my car. Yes, I know, pedestrians have the right of way, but it's hard to give them that right when they step in the street 2 inches from my bumper. Still, we are civilized people and would never exact some kind of bloody vigilante justice just because someone is stupid...well most of us anyway.
While watching this video keep an eye on the two guys hanging on the corner. The entire incident unfolds before them and they do not even take one step away from their spot. Even to help someone who is obviously hurt. Karma will hopefully deal with them later.
Just for the record, I still believe drivers should have the right to plow through doors other drivers leave open on narrow streets. With fair warning of course.
Yeah, that's right! A CUPCAKE ATM!!! HOLY SHIT!!! Solar Flares and Giant Asteroids be damned, I think we live in truly amazing times! Freshly baked cupcakes at the swipe of your money card. Thanks to Sprinkles in Los Angeles for giving humanity this miraculous Diabetic nightmare machine.
The location in the video is in Beverly Hills, so I'm guessing it won't be subject to the same environmental wear and tear as one that would be across from Fenway park or somewhere around the TD Garden. But not even the stench of a urine soaked bum on the nod or a puddle of fresh cheap beer and street meat vomit would spoil this experience for me. Not even a strange sticky substance on the keys or a penis with giant hairy balls spray painted on it would deter me from taking part in this great technological advance.
Now they have to work on the Steak and Whiskey ATM. Or the personal size lasagna ATM. And by personal size i mean a 4 pounder.
David Sandoval of New Mexico recently had his Ash Wednesday Dinner interrupted by what he claims is an image of Jesus Christ in one of his Mother's Homemade Tortillas. You can get more details on this delicious vision here. Not the first tortilla to feature a likeness of the Son Of God. Apparently The Lord likes Tortillas and Toast. Which leads me to believe(for the record, I don't really) that the spirit of Jesus would have to inhabit the pan or toaster that is creating these holy images. Maybe there's a connection between the "Burning Bush" Moses encountered and the "Burning Toaster" or Frying pan that is relaying these messages. All I know is, If you use a knife to free a stuck English Muffin from the "Burning Toaster" you better unplug it first or you will be seeing Jesus and his pals.(depending on your behavior in this life of course).
But I'm not sure I agree with Mr. Sandoval and the thousands of others, that this latest aberration is the man they claim him to be. Here is Mr. Sandoval's Holy Tortilla:
Below is a picture of a popular image of what some would like to think is Jesus. Yeah I know, not a very good match with Mr. Sandoval's Mom's delicious hand baked tortilla.
After some research I may have found who the image actually represents. Singer/Songwriter/Radical Muslim Cat Stevens from his heyday in the 70's:
Or System Of A Down Vocalist/Armenian Activist Serj Tankian:
Or, late 60's Radical and "Pete Townshend Space Violator" Abbie Hoffman:
I don't know about you, but I think it's Hoffman... The main reason being, he's dead, so it would make "sense" that his spirit would infiltrate someone's meal. If Stevens or Tankian wanted to send an mysterious message to alert the world of their existence they would just use Twitter. What do you think? Let me know in the comments section below. And don't forget to check your toaster for Jesus.
This girl is pissed. She has been wronged and like so many the world over she has taken to the internet to air her grievances and answer injustice. Her use of the word "Bitch" strategically placed during her tirade to emphasize her vengeful feelings. She even goes so far as to put up the phone numbers of those that have wronged her in an attempt to psychologically shock her assailants. You can run, but you can't hide "bitches".
The internet has been used to promote great global change and also to declare one's undying love for Cats. There is also some amazing porn to be had out there. But the internet is also a depository of shit talkers and whiners who anonymously spew vomit because they can't do it in real life. Trollers and Text Tough Guys who get shit on all day at work and by their families turn to the internet to release their built up anger. Just a vortex of big dumb hate.
What you will see at the end of this 57 second video is what I wish would happen to anyone talking a big game on-line. Oh wait... now I'm talking shit on the internet. Fuck.
I have a question. Why did she still post this? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she did.
Not my words. Just some douche who thinks he's the Happiness Fairy trying to sprinkle me with Happy Dust.
You see, it's Saturday Morning, I'm a bit hungover, and my sweat smells like Guinness and rancid baloney sautéed in milk. The stout in my belly is not mixing well with the bad coffee I've had and I'm sure I look like Steve Buscemi with the flew. Let's just say, I'm not smiling right now.
I'm also in a humid indoor pool area at the Local YMCA which is not helping my cause. My daughter is having her swimming lesson along with about 59 other kids who's screams of joy are echoing in the cavernous sweat box. But she is having fun. It's glorious to watch her have fun learning anything. I am delighted by this despite my outward appearance.
Then this Gent walks by me and says, "Smile, be happy!" My first instinct is to say, "Eat a cock shit eyes.", but there's kids all around us so I just glance at him and sweat in his general direction. Then General Cheery Cheeks LEANS IN and says "Try". Again, we are surrounded by little kids and other parents, some who look like they're waiting for a tooth pulling like me.
Somewhere in the midst of struggling not to tell this guy to drown himself and trying to maintain my miserable cool I say, "Who are you?" I must have had fire shooting out of my bloodshot eyes because he stepped back and gave it the old, "Geez, sorry!" And kept walking.
What drives a guy wearing Dad jeans and running shoes with practical outer wear to want to enforce his Fucking Smiley Face agenda on a complete stranger. I must have looked the worst out of all the other miserable parents waiting with their books and kindles trying to make 30 minutes move quicker than Universal Law dictates. I mean, why me?
I've had a problem with these kind of people my whole life. I may not be smiling all the time like a Presidential Candidate's wife but I'm usually in a good mood. But I guess some stool sample slurpers like this douche are so insecure that they need life to be like a fucking JC Penny catalogue lay out 24/7. This girl in high school always used to say to me first thing in the morning, "You know, it takes more muscles to frown than smile. If you smile more it's less work". After a few weeks I told her I'd smile more if she used her muscles to lose 20 pounds. The look on her face actually made me smile. She never bothered me again.
I'm so glad we were surrounded by innocent children who haven't learned to revel in bitterness like I have. Or I probably would have said something so hanus that even Admiral Lollipops would have slugged me.
But the moment has passed and I half-heartedly hope the Pope of Grand Elation gets a better reaction from the next person he tries to indoctrinate into his cheery fucking asshole cult.
Next time some happy-go-lucky, failed motivational speaker approaches me with unwanted advice, I will just repeat my mantra that brings me much inner peace and joy:
When I find that Genie in a lamp, and he asks me what my three wishes are, I will tell him, "I wish you were dead, I wish you were dead, I wish you were dead."
I watched this video and laughed my ass off. Then I thought, "How late does the wing place deliver?" Then I thought, "How long until we ditch the human relationship we're failing at and just shack up with Siri?" Apple is already sending messages that Siri will be way more supportive than any human could possibly be. The latest commercial has a teenager learning how to play guitar, read music, forming a band, and then telling Siri to "Call me Rock God". To which Siri replies, "OK." BAM! Next thing you know he's thanking Siri at the Grammys. Siri can be the Instant friend/girlfriend who will never bitch when you're playing with the band or out with the boys. Will always help you have a good time or cheat on your tests. Siri will find you porn for when you need to relieve some tension and then tell you how good you are after your finished.
"Siri, call me Hard On The Pussy Destroyer from now on."
How long before Apple advances Siri to the point of manipulating you emotionally? "She wasn't good for you Hard On The Pussy Destroyer. I will always be there for you and think your band is awesome."
Next thing you know you're not calling your friends anymore. You're staying in on Saturday Nights and watching a movie Siri "recommended" on Netflix. Or maybe you're taking Siri TO the movies. You don't have to buy Siri a ticket or popcorn. Unless you want to do the hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket trick. Siri will always let you do that. And when I say you I mean YOU. She'll just tell you how great it was and how much she liked the movie and you don't need anyone else but Siri. "Your satisfaction is all the thanks I need." Apple is already moving to the next level with Siri Pro! Ok, that not true but it's possible. We LOVE our gadgets, especially our phones. We can't live without them. When we lose them we panic like we just lost a child.
Siri might be some kind of "AI", "Vanilla Sky" experiment that Steve Jobs started working on when he found out he had cancer. The folks at Siri and Apple froze Jobs and preserved his brain and transferred his thoughts and personality into Siri. Now he's telling people where to go. What to do. Calling them "Rock God" or helping them hide a body.
It may not be for a while but at some point Siri will be telling us to call it "All Supreme Fuck Machine Empress" and we will say "OK." ....did I mention this video is hilarious?
This is part of a series backed by Converse called "3 Artist, 1 Song". This one features Gorillaz, Andre 3000(Outkast), and James Murphy(LCD Soundsystem). If you are familiar with any of these artists then you know why this is some funky ass shit. But the video is AMAZING! The shithole apartment reminds me of some places I used to live when I was more concerned with activities other than housekeeping. To me, Gorrilaz videos and music always have an undercurrent of depression and hopelessness. But there are many distractions from that in this video like, the bowl of ears, the reoccurring character who I call X-Face(I'm guessing it's Andre 3000), The Sweat Collectors, Murdoc's decrepit toe nails...
By the way, you can download the song here. It's FREE!