It's A Fine Line Between Alcoholism And Tooth Decay
by Mike
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posted Oct 26 2011 1:37PM
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It's a shame that a State Senator is being sent to jail for violation of his probation for a drunk hit and run. But, at least Sen.(former?) Galluccio's teeth will look fabulous for his future cell mate. Galluccio, who has been busted for DUI three times, claimed his teeth-whitening toohtaste set off his home breathalyzer. If that's the case, then we're all driving drunk. Well, except for those people that have rotten, decayed chompers. They're obviously the teetotallers of society. This whole moronic situation divined another four star idea out of my pot addled mind: Toothpaste Bars. C'mon, you know this is a brilliant idea! Instead of taps we could have tubes of High End Patrone type paste with the Whitener, and the rail stuff from China with the lead andanti-freeze. Those that are into status could have the Sterling Silver toothbrushes or the Diamond bedazzled electric Oral-B. Or if your hitting a crappy "Paste Dive" you can use the bar brush, with the gelatinous residue and green mold. Slumming it is all the rage now. Patrons would be brushing and spitting and flirting and spitting and watching the Sox and spitting. At least everybody would have healthy teeth. Bad breath would become a rarity. Dentists would become a separate class of enablers, being the only outlet of the REAL stuff. Imagine laying back in the chair while your gums are smeared with the high grade industrial shit. Follow that with a few huffs of Nitrous and that's your Saturday night right there.
Of course there would be problems. Over served pasters accidentally swallowing their Ed Hardy signature double-headed brushes and being asphyxiated. Teenagers sneaking Dad's single malt Colgate and replacing it with ass cream. Homless pasteoholics hanging out in front of Walgreens pan-handling for a tube of Generic Brand. The prospect of having the best dental health in the World makes up for all that.
 Seriously, Galluccio must think that not only the Judge is an idiot, but the public is a bunch of gullible assholes. Do our elected officials really think we're that stupid? Between Dianne Wilkerson's cash stuffed bra,JamesMazilli's wandering hands, and Sal DiMasi playing favorites they must think we're deaf, dumb, and blind. Also, isn't the usual punishment for your 2nd DUI 2 years in jail? Galluccio was given more than enough chances to us an O'Douls type of toothpaste. These people aren't drunk with Fluoride, they'e drunk with power. Somehow, we have to let them know they can't get away with it.
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