Hostess Cakes Shuts Down But The Twinkie Will Be Around Forever
by Mike Hsu,posted Nov 16 2012 9:40AM
Actually Twinkies have an official shelf life of only 25 days. Although, that fact has been put to the test with varied results. After hearing about Hostess Cakes putting themselves out of their own misery by shutting down and laying off over 18 thousand workers, I searched for facts on their most famous product. What I found were hundreds of links to experiments performed on the iconic cake. Some reminded me of various forms of torture I've seen in movies and on the news. I realized that one of America's favorite junk foods was also the most abused. They have been electrocuted, thrown from buildings, drowned, hung, radiated and set ablaze. Actually you can't set a Twinkie on fire unless you dowse it in an accelerant. Which leads me to believe Hostess may have been involved with NASA when it came to developing a heat shield for their spacecraft.
There was also a rumor that Twinkies contained some of the same chemicals as Jet Fuel, but I couldn't find any firm evidence. Another urban myth said if you left a Twinkie in a bathtub full of water over night it would expand and fill the tub without dissolving. Also, in my personal experience, it takes a Twinkie about 45 seconds to collapse in on itself and start burning in a microwave oven. If you're lucky, you'll get one with an air bubble inside and it will make a spectacular explosion. The clean up sucks though.(Yes, again stoned.) Unfortunately this is not true, believe me, I actually tried it. Yes I was stoned. You can check out the most famousTwinkie experiments here.
Now that will all change. Hostess will offer up it's assets for sale and most likely China will buy them. This is purely speculation on my part but that whole flammable thing will change and the quality will plummet. I'm guessing they will try to take advantage of American's love for the sweet treat that they will incorporate some poisons into them like they did with toothpaste and dog food.
I haven't eaten a Twinkie in a few years but I'm sad to see a staple of Health Experts ire disappear. As well as the Ding Dongs, Fruit Pies, the Yellow Cup Cakes, and the ever pliable Wonder Bread. Hopefully Little Debbie and the rake people will step up to keep us happy and fat. Or maybe try something from your local baker...if they're still around.