Dick Olympics, Arnold's Sex-capades and Homeland Season 2
by Greg Hill,posted Oct 1 2012 8:03PM
AMERICA COMES UP SHORT AGAIN:
According to information we learned on today’s show, American penises rank 96th out of 116 countries when it comes to length. How did this happen? First, we get our ass kicked by the Japanese when it comes to technology, then we’re borrowing all our money from China, and now this? The study, conducted by Dr. Richard Lynn at Ulster University in England, ranks countries and their respective junk. The Congo kicks ass in the Dick Olympics, with a strong 7 inch finish. American men thrust their way in to the survey with a mere 5.1 inches average when erect. It must have something to do with obesity, right? We’ve finally done it-we’ve eaten our way to smaller penises. If there is any justice in the world, however, it is that the world’s smallest penises are those of an Axis of Evil nation, North Korea. We have new trash talk to use when they start trying to get cute with Nukes. This is something Mitt Romney can run on and win. “We must restore American penises to Superpower status”.
TODAY’S KING OF MANTOWN: Check out this video of Arnold Swartzenegger on “60 Minutes” last night.
Basically, the guy was smashing everything that moved on the set throughout his entire acting career. Then, when he got out of movies, he grabbed whatever was handy, like the household help. And then…when Maria caught him, he basically pulled the old “I made a mistake and I never focus on mistakes” line. It’s brilliant. He’s basically saying that whenever he does something stupid, like impregnating the maid, he never thinks about it again. Just pays the chick and tells her the duvet is a little dusty. I, for one, am a little surprised that he had sex with Brigitte Neilson. I never thought she was hot. Not even in Cobra. Arnold probably liked her cuz he thought she could kick his ass.
HOMELAND’S BACK: The greatest show on television made it’s triumphant return for the 2nd season last night. If you are sick of me telling you how incredible this show is, too bad. Here are my predictions for the upcoming season:
Nicolas: will start a steamy affair with the hot muslim terrorist news lady who interviewed him last night.
Carrie: will go completely off the deep end while in Lebanon, and kill some randoms that she thinks are terrorists.
Jessica Brody: disgusted that Nicolas is a muslim, she will have an affair with VP William Walden
Saul: gets killed in the 2nd to last episode of the season trying to protect Carrie
Dana Brody: converts to a muslim, and starts to become her dad’s ally when it comes to his mission
That’s the way it would be if I wrote it anyway. (Airs Sunday’s at 10 on Showtime.)